A sparrow's journey through this crazy, beautiful life...

Monday, February 25, 2013

Meditation

Meditation
16 x 20 on Cradled Wood Panel
I read a post over on Journal Girl's blog about her chronic illness. It's a good summary of what life is like for those of us with invisible, chronic illnesses and a very accurate description for myself. Mine is fibromyalgia and I was officially diagnosed in 2006.

When I was diagnosed with fibro, my life changed so drastically that it's difficult to remember or even believe that I had such an active life at one time. At this point, I'm still able to work outside the home full time, but that and the doctor's office are about the only places I go. I can't even make it to church regularly and it's right across the street. My husband does all the grocery shopping. I can't make plans because I almost always have to cancel because I'm sick. I'm pretty good at faking it outwardly. "I'm fine how are you?" (said with a big smile)

I've lost so much because if it and sometimes I wonder if I will always be bouncing around that whole grieving cycle. I guess I could spend tons of  time listing off all of the negative, but, you know, I've gained some things because of it too. My relationships have deepened. I don't have the time or patience for superficial. I go straight for the heart... we get right to the good stuff because there's just not time for anything else. I see people in a completely different light. Their struggles and hopes and dreams.

Art.... ART!!!!! I've discovered art! Had I been out being busy, I never would have taken the time for this. The thing with art is that when I am painting, the whole world around me melts away. All of my energy and concentration is poured into it. My grief and pain is poured into it. For that brief time when I am creating... I don't feel it... I don't feel the pain. Art has brought healing and relief.

My walk with God. That has changed and deepened. Sometimes I have felt abandoned and alone... but the truth is I never have been. He's given me new eyes to see things I never noticed before. Eyes to see the suffering around me... so that I can pray... so that I can reach out... open my heart. (Well, that heart opening thing is a whole other story for another day.) Within the confines of this illness, he has given me wings... I'm just still figuring out how to use them.

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31

4 comments:

  1. love this painting, and you know i love you.

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  2. Hi Heather. I haven't visited in a while... Just popped in to say your work is beautiful!
    Just so sorry to hear about your pain, and the way it restricts your life. But good to know that you have an Anchor. And art.
    Hugs
    Hannelie

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  3. Art and networking can make pain easier. I had horrible pain for years, in my case it was my back, and a surgery changed it for the better.
    Never give up :o) Who knows, maybe later on they will come up with something that reduces it?
    I love your painting and the strong rich colors ♥

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  4. What a wonderful gift of honesty you have shared.....it is very encouraging and inspiring....
    We have, as you have been, blessed with your art....what was meant for bad, God has allowed to work together for good....
    Keep blessing and inspiring those around you with the vibrant light you carry.

    many blessings,
    Cynthia♥

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